Trash and Treasure

 I was hoping that my next post would be about morel hunting. A morel is a wild mushroom that fruits for a couple of weeks in early spring. I have never found any, but Mark, Jacob’s brother, found a surprise patch of them last year. He shared his bounty, and we fried them up in butter and ate with gusto.

I wanted to wait to write until we found them, but we’ve been out nearly every day, and all we have found so far is trash, which we take out with us. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had so much fun traipsing through the woods with Jacob and Cloe, babies on our backs. We’ve seen some beautiful examples of spring wildflowers, and gorgeous moss. Before every hike I’m always sure that this is the one, but then it becomes evident by the dry ground, that we may not  come away with a feast. So we have reassigned ourselves to trash hunting, and plant identification. It’s going very well.
So I figured I needed something to write about. What stories have I not shared? And I realized that I’ve never had time to sit and write my birth story for the twins. Now, it seems that it should be a pregnancy/birth/breastfeeding story. So while the mushrooms continue to hide, I’ll see how much I can remember of the past year.
We had been trying for a year to get pregnant, and I was starting to get a bit discouraged. I really wanted another baby, and wanted Cloe to have a brother or sister. I also wanted to have my chance at a home birth. I had Cloe with Nurse Midwives at Vanderbilt Hospital, and although I had her without an epidural, there were interventions that I did not necessarily want. Susie Meeks had been my educator and doula, and is also a CPM (Certified Practicing Midwife). She also is a close family friend, and I was so wanting to do a home birth with her attending.
Well New Years Eve of 2009 I got a hunch, and took a test. Behold the two lines! We had done it! I called Susie and soon we were planning to have the baby right here in our little house. Right away I got morning sickness. It hit me hard. We thought maybe I was having a boy and that was why. I think I even asked Susie if I could be having twins. It was too early to tell, so she just reassured me. When I closed my eyes, I saw 2 babies. That winter was really difficult for me. I started to feel isolated and very depressed. Luckily, as the spring brought my second trimester, I began to feel much better.  I forgot my fears, and continued on as normal.

We had decided to have an ultrasound at 20 weeks to determine the sex. I was really curious to get a peek at our little one, and was never good at waiting for that kind of info. When we went into the office, I had no idea. They called us back and into the darkened room. I laid on the table and she put the goop on my belly, and then the paddle. Immediatly, she stopped.
”How much do you know about this pregnancy?”
Of course this freaked us out and we were afraid there was something wrong.
“Don’t worry, it’s normal.” She moved the paddle around some more.” What do you think the sex is?”
We told her we thought it was a boy.

“Well you’re right!"
We grinned at each other, and Jacob squeezed my hand. Then she said “And.....”
I sat straight up.
“AND?”
She smiled at me....

“and a girl.”

Four weeks later I was on bedrest, after having some pretty insistent contractions. Susie had reccomended we birth in a hospital, so she was now acting as doula once again. I was sad to not get the home birth I had envisioned, but was very happy about the twins, and felt much more comfortable with a hospital at this point. I trust Susie so much, and with her help, I knew it was all going to be okay. We decided on Maury Regional, a much smaller, more personal hospital than Vanderbilt, that also has a good  NICU. Susie and my OB both assured me that a natural vaginal birth was completely possible, as long as at least the first baby was head down.
Bed rest was hard. I never thought that I would crave housework! Jacob did such a good job taking care of everything. We were able to get our friend Corri to come and help during the days, and take care of laundry and dishes and all of that. Cloe helped me pass the time by snuggling up with books and videos. Still it was so hard for me to just sit there and cook the babies, but that’s what I did.
Finally at 36 weeks, they gave me the go ahead. I figured I would go into labor right away, since we had wound up in the hospital again 2 weeks prior with more contractions. I had been taking Brethine to keep them at bay, I hated that. It made me feel like I just had 50 cups of coffee. I divided them up and tried half instead. When that seemed to keep them off, I tried a third of a pill. Thankfully, the smaller doses helped.

So, back to 36 weeks. I’m ready to get these things out! Ruby was head down, and Wyatt was transverse, up in my ribs. 36 weeks turned into 37. Dr Phillips, thankfully, wasn’t on the induction train, and just told me I was doing great, and the longer they stayed in, the better. 37 weeks turned into 38 weeks, and at my request, Susie got out her bag of tricks, and we went to work. I wont’ go into the grisly details, but it was, in my mind, better than a pitocin drip. I had pretty regular contractions on several occasions, but it seemed they would go for a while and then just peter out. At  my 38 week appointment I thought the Doc would want to set a date for induction, as she had mentioned that she wouldn’t let me go past that mark, but she just examined me and told me “any day now...”

I had driven myself to the doctor that day. It was just easier than dragging poor Jacob along. Besides, it was just a quick visit anyway, right?
Well, as I was getting dressed after my exam, I came across a dilemma that most pregnant women will face at some point: How to tie my shoes? In a moment of determination, I lunged myself down and forward to reach those elusive shoestrings. Made it. Okay, one more now, and lunge, and....pop. Water everywhere.
Our house is a good 30 minutes from everywhere, including the doctor, so although I called Jacob immediately at home, I needed quicker transport over to the hospital. Luckily, my good friend Natasha was home just a few blocks away, and showed up with lightning speed to escort me. Susie was meeting us there.
I waddled up to the desk, towel wrapped around my waist, soaking wet. The nurses were very kind, and took me to a private room. The labor itself is kind of a blur now. I remember they let me just have a hep-lock, and didn’t make me hook up to an IV, which I appreciated. And the nurse was also a lactation consultant, and was really happy that I wanted a natural labor. I don’t think I heard the work epidural come out of her mouth even once. They were very supportive. Well somewhere in there Jacob arrived with Cloe, his mom came and got her, Natasha left, and my parents arrived, although my dad waited out in the lobby. The contractions ebbed and flowed, a sensation I hadn’t really felt with my pitocin augmented birth at Vandy. All the nurses said it wouldn’t be long though, I was progressing quickly.
Susie was there with me through every contraction, reminding me to relax, to let them build and work and stay. I reminded myself with every one that my body was being done no harm, that I was made to do this.
Transition hit me like a freight train, and I escaped to a watery, floaty place, where contractions came in wave after wave after wave. Before I knew it I was being wheeled to the OR where I had to delvier just in case they needed to get Wyatt out via c-section. This was the part where Susie had me doing the rhythmic breathing, in my mouth and out in short bursts.
When we got into the OR it felt like the pain was going to suck me up into the ceiling. I could have sworn that the hands of the nurses and my loved ones were holding me down from flyng up there.

Within 20 minutes I had pushed out Ruby. Wyatt turned like a pro, and after some hard work getting him engaged, he came out 10 minutes after that.

Two beautiful, healthy babies. On August 31, 2009, I gave birth to Ruby Jain 6 lbs 12 oz, and Wyatt Jacob 5 lbs 6 oz. I had labored for under 6 hours.

The euphoria soon followed...that feeling that I could do anything in the world! With the help of the lactation team and Susie and Jacob, both babies were breastfeeding when we left the hospital. I won’t lie, it was intense when we got home. Jacob had to get up with me for every feeding. I was feeding them both at once, and needed him to help me get them latched,  at which he soon became an expert, and to be my “baby spotter”, which meant that I could hand off a baby that needed a burp, or was falling asleep and needed to be gently woken up with a diaper change. For the first few weeks, neither one of us got more than an hour and a half of  sleep at a time. Talk about exhaustion. Had it not been for the endorphin train I was riding, I might not have made it. Haha.

     I continued to nurse them exclusively for  3 months, and things did start to get better. In this time we moved temporarily into a house near my parents, one that they had lived in, and were now renting out. They were gracious enough to let us stay there for free. The kids adjusted well. It was really nice to be near family and friends.
At the 12 week mark, fussy time in the early evening became a real problem. They just never seemed to get full, no matter how much I let them cluster feed. I would nurse them every hour from 6pm until sometimes 1am. Finally, after weeks of frustration, we started adding a pumped bottle with a little formula mixed in around 7pm,  so we could get some peace in those evening hours. It really helped.

I never thought that I would miss my house in the boonies. I think I had hoped that town would solve all of our problems, and I would feel more connected with people. But after a few months, I was ready to go home to my 2 bedroom, where I could keep track of everyone. I just wasn't made to have a big house. So we did, shortly after the New Year.
We set ourselves to resettling the place. We hauled out all the crap that had piled up in the corners and closets. We even got rid of our couch, because we needed the space in the living room, and  it was rarely used for anything but a laundry hamper.
Right around the time they were reaching the 6 month mark, they started getting very difficult while nursing, and were less and less satisfied by what they were getting there. We tried some solid food, but all that did was keep them up all night with gas. Finally, I pulled out the formula, and started giving supplementary bottles. It worked. I hated that it worked, but boy, did it ever. So, after some thought, we made the decision to start the transition. I had found a very reasonably priced USDA certified organic formula at Kroger, and it did well with their systems. We started getting more and more nights of full sleep. I would still pump a couple of times a day and mix it in with the formula, and the babies would still nurse for comfort throughout the day, and if they woke in the middle of the night. It didn’t take long before I was getting less milk when I pumped. Eventually I got almost none, and this sent me into a guilt ridden tailspin. I resolved to start pumping more often, even looked into renting a hospital grade pump. But after a week, I could hardly find the time to pump enough to make anything significant. When I had called her at the beginning of the guilt spin, Susie had told me to give it a shot, but not to beat myself up if it didn’t work. So I followed her advise, and let it go.

Looking back, I am very proud of myself for breastfeeding two babies for 6 months. That’s a lot of nursing! Now they have stopped altogether, and I have gradually stopped my pumping. It’s strange to have my body back to myself again. I almost forget sometimes, that I can have that second cup of coffee, or a few beers without passing it along.
So here we are. Cloe will be 4 in just over a month, and is such a good big sister. She can make Ruby laugh just by looking at her. Both of them pay such close attention to her. They are in awe. And why shouldn’t  they be?

We looked again today for mushrooms, and we did find one lonely morel, along with our usual take of garbage and wildflower pics. Whether there will be more of them to follow we aren’t sure. Even if we don’t find a huge cluster this year, it’s okay. It’s been a pretty big year, and there will be plenty of times in the future to hunt them, and have another feast. So for now I’ll content myself with hunting trash, and nature photography. If the morels find us, great. If not, no biggie, I’m just glad we have each other.